I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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