When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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