He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
