There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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