And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
