you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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