Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
