party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
