i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
