so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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