I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
