Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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