No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
