hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
