just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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