I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
