Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
