well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
