mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
