it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There are leaves in my underwear?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
