Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
