My first STD was from a foam party
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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