just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize