I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
