sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
