Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize