i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
