Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
