the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
