Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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