she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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