maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
