dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
