I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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