I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone signed my nipple.
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