There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
