never play flip cup with pint glasses
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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