swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
