It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
