he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
