this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
