So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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