I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
