how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
