a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
