shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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