just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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