I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize