im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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