i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize