U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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