Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i now understand why vodka
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
