I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
