i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
