There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
