I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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