I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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