We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
