I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
