He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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