Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
