It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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