Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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