1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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