there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
