Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
