You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
