Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
