Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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