I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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