Having a random hookup so left but love u
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
