Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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