woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
