I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
