yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
