I'm really into asian looking animals
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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