dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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