$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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