I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
