i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
