so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
