I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
