hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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