While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
